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Buy black cialis without prescription, (note:  this was a piece I wrote for Tony Hendra's satirical site 'The Final Edition' and was published under the unfortunate pen name of Basil Pesto - www.thefinaledition.com)

 

Last night’s unexpected merger between Pfizer and McDonald’s sent shock waves through Wall Street, the Pharmaceutical industry and the heavily-processed meat community.

“It was a no-brainer, black cialis uk, Black cialis tablet, really” remarked Pfizer CEO Ian Read. ‘These beloved brands have long enjoyed a symbiotic corporate relationship, black cialis in australia. Generic black cialis,  We finally decided that as long as McDonald’s is creating new patients for our medications – medications which keep their consumers alive and able to keep walking back to enjoy those 99-cent specials - why not work together?’

The top-secret negotiations, months in the making, cheap black cialis from uk, Black cialis online without a prescription, sent stock prices soaring as McDonald’s franchises unveiled a new "McHealth Menu" that reflects the revised business model of McDonald’s/Pfizer (now listed as ‘McPfiz’ on the S&P 500).

‘The New McBLT, black cialis buy, Find black cialis, featuring Bacon, Lipitor & Tomato, black cialis no rx required, Cheapest black cialis prices, redefines health & commerce’ says Fred Golgoth, McDonald’s VP of  Globalization & Happy Meal Toy Development, purchase black cialis overnight delivery.    ‘It’s a logical progression – together we’ll give people the tasty food products they love, and, should said products threaten their health, we also provide the drugs to neutralize that threat.”

New meals include the  Angus Chipotle Zithromax BBQ Burger, which provides powerful antibiotics to combat fungal infection, in addition to the undetermined antibiotics injected during a cow’s short life before slaughter, buy black cialis without prescription. Cheap black cialis in uk, Customer activity indicates strong approval for the merger amongst McDonald’s regulars.  At a franchise in Bullwhallop, black cialis professional, Find black cialis no prescription required, Texas, hungry diner Sue Gompfolker opted for the Premium Crispy Chicken McLyrica Classic, black cialis medication. Purchase black cialis no rx,  “I’ve got a generalized anxiety disorder, and this allows me to get the anticonvulsant I need, free black cialis, No rx black cialis, with the bacon I crave.”

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“It’s the circle of life” remarked McDonald’s VP Golgoth, find cheap black cialis online. Buy black cialis lowest price, “Pfizer had the vision to partner with the largest fast-food chain in the world.”   When reminded that Subway recently surpassed McDonald’s as the largest chain,  Golgoth replied “Yes, buy generic black cialis online, Black cialis purchase, but we’ve still got the largest customers.”

The newly merged company has already secured preliminary approval from Health and Human Services for Medicare and Medicaid to cover the cost of select McDonald's Health Menu meals. A small co-pay may be required where brand-name drugs are used, cheap black cialis from canada, Black cialis us, or HHS deems the risk to the public health to be abnormally high.

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Buy female pink viagra without prescription, My father died two weeks ago.  He was a devout Catholic, and a former Franciscan brother.  The last week of his life he was really upset  - not about dying, but about that church in Gainesville that’s planning to burn Korans on 9/11. Female pink viagra tablet, My dad thought it wasn’t a Christian protest, but an act of Christian supremacy, female pink viagra sales. Buy female pink viagra generic, I said I wouldn’t mind people burning the Korans, as long as they did it with German accents, female pink viagra cheap drug. Female pink viagra canada, My Dad didn’t laugh at that one, either.    But I’ve been thinking of him all week during the furor over construction of the Cordoba house, where to buy female pink viagra, Order discount female pink viagra, also known as the ‘Ground Zero Mosque.’

By now you’ve probably heard it’s not actually at Ground Zero; it’s in the old Burlington Coat Factory building, which makes it a deep offense to Americans who care about quality outerwear.   As a patriot, find discount female pink viagra, Cheapest generic female pink viagra online, I’m very protective of American coats that were made in China.

And the place isn’t actually a mosque either, order cheap female pink viagra.    There’s a mosque in it, but it’s a community center, with a theatre, café, meeting rooms, and, I’m sure at some point, a Pinkberry, buy female pink viagra without prescription. Cheap female pink viagra overnight delivery, Most people who live here in lower Manhattan have no problem with this.    But some of the same politicians who once claimed that 9/11 was all about foreigners hating our freedoms are now furious at those very freedoms.

Recent Catholic convert Newt Gingrich says Muslims are trying to impose their way of life on us;  and that they shouldn’t be able to build the center because there are no churches in Saudi Arabia.      While it’s refreshing to finally hear Newt criticize the Saudi regime, buy female pink viagra without prescription, Buy generic female pink viagra online, and while it’s worth pointing out that there are Christians and churches all over the middle east – it’s where Christianity was born – he seems to be missing the point.

The fact that there are no churches in Saudi Arabia is exactly why the US should allow the Cordoba house to be built – to prove that we’re not just bragging, order female pink viagra overnight delivery, Buy female pink viagra on line, but that we really are a free society.     Freedom means being tolerant of things that you might find offensive – other religions, flag burning, cheap female pink viagra in canada, Order female pink viagra, even the Jonas Brothers.

In fairness to Newt, cheap generic female pink viagra, Order discount female pink viagra, he’s been very busy lately protecting the sanctity of his marriage from gay couples.  And presumably the sanctity of his previous two marriages.    They were sacred too, it’s just sometimes Newt gets to wanting some ‘new sacred.’   But he’s wrong to single out Muslims as merely the perpetrators of 9/11.     Muslims died that day, female pink viagra medication, Canada female pink viagra, too.   Muslims who, unlike Newt, female pink viagra overnight, Buy female pink viagra low price, actually lived in New York City. Buy female pink viagra without prescription, Salman Hamdani was a 23 year old ambulance driver who died helping o when the towers collapsed.      His body was found in the rubble, his EMT kit beside him.   So why shouldn’t moderate Muslims have the chance to build their center - and show that the right-wing fundamentalists are no more real Muslims than Timothy Mcveigh was a real Christian.

Back in the late 80s, discount female pink viagra, Female pink viagra from india, the Catholic Church sparked an uproar when they wanted to build a convent and erect crosses on the grounds at Auschwitz.     At the time, American conservatives  supported the idea, buy female pink viagra online, Female pink viagra professional, believing that any faith deserved a chance to redress past sins committed in its name.    Today, those same conservatives seek to deny that reconciliation to Muslims, female pink viagra approved. Female pink viagra malaysia, Al Queda didn’t’ attack us on 9/11 because they wanted to ‘impose their way of life on us.’     They did it, in part, female pink viagra tablet, Buy female pink viagra us, because they wanted US troops out of Saudi Arabia.  President Bush & Donald Rumsfeld  promptly withdrew our forces, and essentially gave the terrorists exactly what they had asked for, cheap female pink viagra from usa. Order no rx female pink viagra, Al Quadea wants America to hate our own Muslims, and to deny them the freedoms we take for granted.  They want to be able to say ‘look, female pink viagra internet, Female pink viagra pharmacy online, America hates Islam and their claims of freedom are a lie.’  I say, stop giving these guys what they want, approved female pink viagra pharmacy. Buy cheapest female pink viagra online, Barack Obama said the center had a right to be there, then backtracked and said he wasn’t endorsing it.  In other words, order generic female pink viagra, Cheap price female pink viagra, it is a good thing, but that depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is.     Harry Reid says they have a right to be there, find female pink viagra, but they shouldn’t be there; possibly the boldest stand he’s taken since he switched to loafers without tassels.

And I’m not saying the Cordoba House leaders are the greatest guys in the world.    If they were smart, they’d release a statement saying ‘folks, we don’t want enemies; we’re good people,  we’re gonna move 6 blocks over into the old TGI Fridays building in battery park, peace be upon you.”  If they did that, even Newt would have to say "a salaam alaikem."  But until then, they still have freedom of religion & assembly, buy female pink viagra without prescription.

And that means America wins.

I understand why protestors are so shocked by this.  And  I don’t think most politicians actually hate Muslims, but you’ll never lose votes hating on Islam in an election year.      And if I seem to take this personally, it’s because my cousin’s a Muslim.

He’s Egyptian American, and a doctor. He was very close to my dad and 16 years ago, in a previous health scare, he helped save my father’s life.    I called him last week to thank him for all he’d done,  and he said ‘don’t thank me.  I loved him.  Your father was my father.’

And that made me proud to be an American.  I’ve got a Muslim cousin, a Jewish sister in law, an atheist brother and an ex-nun mother.  I don’t get to hate on ANYONE.

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Buy gold viagra without prescription, I was watching Fox News when I came across that commercial for the drug war.   You know it.   It's the one that says "If you buy drugs, Lowest price gold viagra, even pot, your money may go to fund terrorists."

Now this was really an eye opener for me. I grew up in America's public schools, with all the traditional propaganda about Cannabis, gold viagra no prescription.   You know what I'm talking about - all those horror stories about the evil things pot will do to your brain. I can't recall any of it right now, but you get the idea, buy gold viagra without prescription.

They always told us "Pot makes you violent. Cheap gold viagra from uk, And lazy."    Which never scared any kids I knew.   Violent people being lazy is actually a brilliant anti-crime strategy.     Just imagine a thug who threatens, "I'm gonna kill you, order gold viagra without prescription, man, right after this burrito."

This is why so many kids have a hard time taking the drug war seriously. Buy gold viagra without prescription,  We're always changing the reasons, but the message stays the same. Discount gold viagra overnight delivery, We keep telling them "drugs are bad. Drugs are bad. Drugs are bad!" and that, my friends, discount gold viagra without prescription, is not the problem.

The problem is not that drugs are bad. The problem is that drugs are great, buy gold viagra without prescription. Order gold viagra in canada, That's the problem.

Addiction is bad. Overdosing is bad. Making stupid choices when you're high is bad, gold viagra online review, and all you potheads who accidentally paid to see "Avatar" in 2-D know what I'm talking about. Buy gold viagra without prescription, But it wasn't until the Bush Administration that the Government began saying that if you buy pot, your money will go to terrorists. Clearly, Order cheap gold viagra, the message George Bush was sending. Grow your own.

I  actually thought it was hilarious when the government began  linking the war on drugs to the current war on terror. You see, cheapest generic gold viagra online, the Drug War as we know it began in that bastion of morality, San Francisco, Buy gold viagra on line, back in 1873.

Back then, Chinese immigrants were the group everybody was allowed to hate, buy gold viagra without prescription.    Caucasian people really didn't like the thought of good Christian folks going to smoke in the opium dens of "the heathen Chinee." . White people took opium too, but they usually ate it, cheap gold viagra, or shot it up. You know, Gold viagra without prescription, the wholesome way.

So they passed a law taxing imported smokable opium. Buy gold viagra without prescription,  This is noteworthy, since besides the obvious racism, it was the first time the government used taxes not to raise money (as the founders intended), but to punish and control private behavior.

The well regulated, law abiding opium houses shut down, low cost gold viagra, the Chinese underworld grew stronger: violence erupted; lives disrupted; police and politicians corrupted; America interrupted.

So it's highly ironic that they'd link the drug war to the terror war. Cheapest gold viagra,  Because now that the Taliban is out of power, people can finally get decent opium again.

The Drug war's been around so long it seems like it's part of our heritage. But cannabis hemp was a major American crop from the earliest colonial days, buy gold viagra without prescription. The US census of 1850 counted 8000 hemp plantations, buy discount gold viagra.

I'm going to repeat that, because I think it's worth noting. Gold viagra online without a prescription, The 1850 US Census counted 8000 cannabis hemp plantations. Growing cannabis was as American as apple pie. Buy gold viagra without prescription, And everyone knew that if you smoked the flowery top of the plant, you'd want to eat a lot of apple pies. But it was never a concern.  Then, find discount gold viagra online, as now, the biggest drug problem in the US was our old friend alcohol. Order cheap gold viagra online, When the government made cannabis illegal in 1937, the American Medical Association officially protested - because for hundreds of years, its medicinal and industrial uses were well documented.

Washington grew hemp at Mount Vernon, sale gold viagra. Thomas Jefferson grew it at Monticello, and actually helped smuggle rare hemp seeds out of China, buy gold viagra without prescription. Nowadays, they'd go to jail for it. Buy discount gold viagra online, That is, if we ever started locking up the rich white guys

Benjamin Franklin started a colonial paper mill that made paper from hemp fiber. I'm not suggesting Ben ever smoked any - I'm sure lots of perfectly sober guys fly kites during thunderstorms.

And it's worth mentioning that from the 1600s to the 1800s, pharmacy gold viagra, cannabis hemp was used as a currency - legal tender. Buy gold viagra without prescription, In fact for over 200 years you could pay your taxes in cannabis hemp. This was not, Buy gold viagra lowest price, however, the origin of the term "joint return."

The point is, Cannabis has been in America for thousands of years - even longer than white people. But it's only been illegal for the past 70, buy gold viagra from us. So technically, decriminalizing it is the true Conservative point of view. Cheap gold viagra pill, And it's the issue of medical marijuana that makes this a moral battle. I grew up in a Catholic family, buy gold viagra without prescription. An extremely Catholic family. We used to have open casket reunions. Now I'm not anti-Christian at all, gold viagra without a prescription. My Mother is an ex-nun and my Father an ex-Franciscan brother. Buy gold viagra without prescription, I just view Jesus the way I view Elvis. I love the guy, Gold viagra pill, but some of the fan clubs scare me.

Because what I learned from the bible as a child was that Jesus was a radical nonviolent revolutionary; a man who hung around with lepers, hookers and crooks; who never spoke English and wasn't an American citizen; was anti-death penalty, anti-capitalist, gold viagra us, anti public prayer (Matthew 6:5, please remind them) but Never anti gay; and was a long haired, Gold viagra free delivery, brown skinned (yes, it's in there), homeless, middle eastern Jew, buy gold viagra generic. And all he wants us to do is love people - especially the people we don't like.

So I have a hard time believing that JC would advocate locking up sick people.

In 1996 the voters of California approved a medical marijuana proposal, buy gold viagra without prescription. Low price gold viagra, The Clinton White House promptly put the kibosh on it. George W. Bush and Barack Obama are also opposed to medical marijuana.   Now all three of these presidents have been highly selective at best about their drug histories - but they've had no problem locking up others for the same behaviors, order gold viagra no rx. Buy gold viagra without prescription, Which I take as a sign that none of them truly believes in the drug war.

Because if they really felt at their core that illegal drug use was evil, they'd confess their crimes and ask forgiveness. Cheap gold viagra in usa, Remember - if they thought it was a sin, they'd turn themselves in. Imagine Johnnie Cochran saying it - it'll sound better.

I'm not saying that these  presidents are evil men, buy gold viagra in canada. It's just part of why the drug war makes no sense, buy gold viagra without prescription. It's a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle where the pieces don't fit - and it's never going to look like what they promised you on the box..

The drug war violates civil liberties, Gold viagra alternative, privacy rights, rights against search and seizure. It's led to out of control crime, corrupted law enforcement & business officials, best price gold viagra, and shown that the wealthy can get away with what the poor cannot - in short, it makes a mockery of any claim to be a free country. Gold viagra in australia, The war on drugs is a war on Americans. Buy gold viagra without prescription, It's not even about race anymore , but class - and the only color that matters is lack of green.

But we can't stop. You know why. We as a nation, gold viagra online sale, a people, a tribe, Gold viagra order, are hooked.

Like Caffeine, Oxycontin, fructose or Vicodin - we are addicted to the drug war, cheap gold viagra no prescription.

We know it doesn't work - we can't stop, buy gold viagra without prescription.

We know it's too expensive and we can't afford it - we can't stop.

We know there are a million people in prison and every year we pay 40 grand apiece to keep them in jail; when they could be out working, paying taxes and contributing to the economy - but we cannot stop.

There are two types of people who keep repeating the same behaviors over and over, always expecting different outcome. Addicts, and crazy people.

So we'd better hope we're addicts. Because I don't' want to believe the country I love is this insane. And the good news is this : if we are addicted, we can get treatment.




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